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Lights, Camera, Action! (part 1)

Lights, Camera, Action! (part 1)

By Bill Stork, DVM

It was inevitable.

Dr. James Alfred Wight graduated from Glasgow Veterinary College in 1939. Absorbed fully by the rigors of practice and parenting, it would take 25 years, several rejections from publishers, and encouragement from his wife before he would put pen to paper and tell the tales of a veterinarian in rural Yorkshire. Half a decade later, his first collection of “little cat and dog stories” (as he modestly referred to them) would make their way to New York City.

For generations to follow, and to this day, James Herriot’s “All Creatures Great and Small” is read by millions of animal lovers the world over. Many become veterinarians as well. By 1975, the television series of the same title was wildly popular in both the UK and USA.

Dr. William Stork graduated from the University of Illinois in 1992. Similarly distracted, it would be 20 years before he would begin to chronicle the beauty of rural Wisconsin and the strength of her people on a blog respectfully titled “In Herriot’s Shadow.” Published in the Lake Mills Leader and Cambridge News, his stories are circulated to hundreds and read by Don Grant and Gary Edmunds. We sincerely appreciate you both.

At the risk of confirming my partner Sheila’s suspicions, I use idle time wisely. While slow-driving a tractor load of split oak in order for the sway in the drawbars not to spill the load, and resting my back, I practice pointing and waving. In my mind, I prepare a well-thought response for when the call comes. For reasons not suitable for public discussion, I know what I would have told Oprah. Rather than deal with the rejection, she cancelled her show. I am looking forward to Ellen most, and I fear that in order to appeal to the Jerry Springer audience, I would have to step far outside of the veterinary code of ethics.

Right on schedule, the call that I fully expect to launch my second career came not from Kelly and Michael or Dr. Phil, but from the Watertown Public Access Cable Channel.

Our neighborhood is usually pretty calm, so I was a bit concerned at what commotion might ensue. I had visions of make-up trailers, satellite trucks, production crews, props, sets and lighting. I’m not sure what they do, but every good movie I have seen lists several “grips” in the closing credits. Parking space could be a problem.

I was fully prepared for the director to yell “CUT!” through her megaphone, hop down from her canvas chair, waving and ranting onto the set to correct my posture, gesture and diction. I was sure to show up well rested, properly fed and hydrated. I’ve seen interviews with Clooney and Pitt, who tell of marathon days on location.

The stars aligned and we met at the clinic on Saturday, February 22nd. One of our favorite clients, Lisa Steffl, hosts a terminally endearing show called “Ask Aunt Ann”. Set in the sepia-toned sixties, she fields questions from pickles to pet care.

Lisa arrived with her dachshund, Lucky, and director Jill Nadeau by way of a Honda hybrid, shortly after noon. I surveyed the parking lot and highway V: not a semi to be seen. I assumed that for a first-time actor not to be intimidated, and to maintain the organic feel of the show, it was best to go minimal.

Rather than show my hand, I chose to let my acting chops speak for themselves. I was no stranger to the bright lights and silver screen.

At Christmas break, 1969, Mom took me to our local NBC affiliate WAND-TV, for a taping of “Romper Room”. Nearly 40 years before smartphones and Facebook, it was a televised playdate, complete with moms in cat eye glasses and bouffant hairdos. Anyone could be a part of the studio audience, but, as it turned out, participation is by invitation.

I was not a defiant kid by nature, but when they broke out the “stilts” (plastic drink cups with a loop of string attached to hold them to your feet), I could not contain myself. Totally off script came a tall, thin kid with big, red, chef-salad hair, wearing Sears Toughskins and a silk cowboy shirt... right on to the set. I had one foot in and just about to step up when I received a rather unceremonious hook.

Ten years before braces, I turned to the camera and smiled right through my great big overbite. I will not tell you it carried a fraction the stigma of having been named “Sue,” but “Buck tooth Bill” will put a little gravel in your gut and spit in your eye.

Feeling secure that my previous acting experience would serve me well, I headed in to the taping of "Ask Aunt Ann." The camera was formidable, and made a guy feel authoritative to stand in front of it, like being on location for the ten o’clock news. Regrettably, the battery was dead so the resourceful director mounted her Nikon Sure Shot on the tripod and set it to video.

For a fee of a hundred “Zuke's" treats, Lucky agreed to be our patient. I searched for the blanket that would feature him the best and look good on camera.

Action! Aunt Ann turned to me: a rather forward-thinking viewer had written to ask, “What do we need to know to properly prepare our dogs for warm weather?”

I had seven minutes.

To be continued...

Watch the Ask Aunt Ann episode online!

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